Thursday, May 9, 2013

Book 29: The Song of Achilles

Okay, so the Political Correctness monitor in me is totally going apeshit, but it has to be said.  The first 60 pages of this book might be the gayest literature even published in English.  Sure, Folly of the World had some really graphic scenes, but whatever.  The Song of Achilles has young boys lusting after beautiful young boys.  Ughhh.  Fortunately, this eventually shifts and even sets a good stage for what happens later.  I'm going to do this book, which I actually thought was hauntingly beautiful and amazing in many ways, a really uncalled for synopsis that I'm ashamed to put to print.  So, here goes:

Gay son is hated by his dad for showing gayness early in life then accidentally kills another boy trying to sbe macho.  Gets sent to the greatest (if you're a straight guy trying to think what would be awesome if you were gay) and worst place (if you are actually gay and don't want to have people harass you) possible for a gay boy, a Greek all boys school of sorts.  Gay boy finds true love with gay demi-god (literally and I mean literally).  Gay demi-god gets all goo goo over only other gay boy.   Mom tries in vain to separate the two gasy after catching them on the beach.  Yes, the beach.  Sends demi-god Brad Pitt lookalike to live with manly centaur only to be joined by other gay boy.  Centaurs seemingly don't care one whit and he teaches the boys, well, nothing really for several years.  Mom hides gay demi-god from warring kings by stashing him in the worst (if you are a straight guy and thing all gay guys are total horn dogs) or most totally awesome (if you're one of those swishy RuPaul types) places, a glorified girls finishing school.  Gay demi-god gets to dress in drag, creating extreme jealousy in gay mortal who goes to rescue, proclaiming gay demi-god as his wife.  A couple of serious bears (Odysseus and friends) show up to spoil the party.  "This isn't fucking California.  You can't be married.  Get thee to Troy and kick some ass."  Gay demi-god, aka the best damn dancer this side of Anatolia, gets his butt in gear, taking little mortal guy dude with him.  Death and destruction ensue.  They pick up a cadre of fag hags along the way.  And just like a little queen, gay demi-god gets panties in a bunch over some perceived slights and takes his hardware (and incredible skill with his spear) elsewhere until everyone acknowldges that he's the fucking demi-god around here.  Gay lover gets fed up with demi-god's bitchiness and goes headlong into battle (replete with shimmering armor and hair), realizing that spearing people is much better than getting speared, but too late, as he reminds everyone "This is a fucking TRAGEDY assholes" and dies.  Demi-god realizes that he was being a punk, puts on more fabulous armor and fucks everyone up in a fit of rage.  Real gods get sick of his shit (really, they are threatened by his fabulousness) and kill him (well, it actually was the most fem guy of his age, the guy who snatched the original hawtie).  Even in death, they yearn to play with each other's spears and finally, Mommy finds it in her to do so.

Okay, that was wrong.  Sorry.  The book is really fucking awesome though.  Just gotta get through the really fruity parts.

No comments:

Post a Comment